I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
