I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
