Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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