Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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