Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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