Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
