I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
