He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
