I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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