why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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