Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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