you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
