Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize