quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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