Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Say something about gay babies.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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