Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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