So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
