I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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