If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
