Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
