just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
