If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
whose parrot is this?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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