im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
