dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
