i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
