We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
