I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
