It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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