I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
