Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
