Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
