her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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