they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dick very happy bro
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
