I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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