I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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