so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
