hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize