i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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