so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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