Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
