WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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