Where did you get a picture of my penis
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
