watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
