I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
