So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
