At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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