So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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