He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
