I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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