if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
