Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
