hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
