dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
