with your own penis?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
