god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
