He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
