Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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