just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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