So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
