Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
