This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
