apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
