we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He shit in the fireplace
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
