I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
