I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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