Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
