Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's rum buckets o'clock
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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