Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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