We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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