Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize