you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
