I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
smell my finger.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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