She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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