She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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