3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
