i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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