so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
