I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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