my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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