omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
