It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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