my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone came in the potted fern
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
