Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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