Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
