We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
