come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
