He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
