your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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