She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
