Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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