Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
