apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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