Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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