she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
