Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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