The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
