She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
