we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm passing your future prison.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
