they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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