My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
