Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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